It’s not easy as it looks to start a new chapter. To let go of your past mistakes the guilt, and the memories. The past can haunt you until it’s ready to let you go but are you ready to let go of it?
It took me years to let go of past trauma, pain and to forgive those who were the ones that caused the pain. It’s more easy to say you forgive than to actually mean it. I remember hating my father for not being in my life, causing me to seek validation and love from others. I’ve developed unhealthy habits and addiction to others.
I became a people pleaser , a doormat, and a yes girl. This led to some life experiences I wish I never had to go through. I saw people getting hurt, drugs being used or being dealt. I was taken advantage from hurtful people who were either friends or lovers. They saw a girl filled with pain and strip away the little bit of innocence she had left.
I was trying to be someone other than me. I was easily influence and I don’t blame anyone but me. I knew better but I decided not to listen to the better side of me. During that time life was a blurr parties, drinking, lovers, drug use I was running away and never wanting to look back. One thing about the past is it catches up to you when you at least expect it.
I didn’t deal with my father leaving, having unhealthy relationship with my mom and my grandmother passing. I couldn’t deal with the emotions it came with so I decided to turn off the switch and become someone else.
It took years for a breakthrough, to break chains that held me captive to depression, suicide thoughts, and the pain I carried with me. Because I avoided my pain for so many years it didn’t allow me to have healthy relationships with others. As the saying goes ” Hurt people hurt others” and it true it’s a vicious cycle that repeats itself. When will we take the time to work on ourselves instead of spreading pain and toxicity.
I choose everyday to love myself more than I did the day before. I’m choosing to continue to get to know myself and to love every part of me inside and outside. It’s time to turn the page and begin a new chapter it doesn’t matter where you are in life if you think you can’t keep going or wanting to give up don’t. I’ve been there and I am proof that life does get better you just have to choose to break the chains and let go.