“Help me is anyone there that can help me?” 

“Please I can’t see the room is too dark! I’ am afraid of the dark, please help!”

“Can anyone hear me, why aren’t you listening, why am I alone.” 

” I can’t breathe.”

She can feel her heart beating out of her chest, and her palms shaking uncontrollably. She wants to scream but she feels her throat closing , with tears running down her cheeks bare foot she runs outside in the cold winter night. With the bit of strength she had left in her, stretching her arms reaching towards the stars pleading to God to take her for all she wants is to be in his arms. 

There’s a form on slavery that no one talks about. It’s hidden inside of us, and that’s fear. We often choose to silent ourselves and let the world make the choice for us. You see I believe there’s two versions of ourself, the one we were taught to be and the one we are destined to be. Which one are you? 

Your fear is eating you alive, and you don’t even know it. We’re all afraid of becoming our true self because the world teaches us to be. We decided to adapt to the environment around us. I speak a lot about alcoholism and my constant fight with it.

My bondage to alcohol is a little different, I can go months and years with out consuming alcohol when it’s not around me. My environment determines my actions I am not strong enough to enjoy a glass of wine if I can’t finish the bottle. Why do you ask ?

Let’s see how alcohol effects me, I believe I am more fun, outgoing, bolder, confidant, and happy. When I am drunk, I can be more myself with out having to hold back or fearing that I will be judge. The only problem is  waking up the next day and dealing with the headaches, nausea, and the bad choices from the night before.

Why am I afraid to be myself with out the help of alcohol ? I tried many times before to let go of my fear, self doubt, self harm, and negativity towards myself and others.  All my life I had to deal with my struggles and it led me to poor choices.

When you don’t love yourself you let the world take control of your life only to get hurt and mistreated by others. You try to find love everywhere else but within yourself. The fear of rejection cripples us and could leave you in the hands of our enemy.  Will you let yourself be consumed by thoughts that are not your own, or will you ask to be rescue?

The only advice I can give is to give yourself fully to God and ask him to help you with your struggles and bondage. I remember going to church for the first time in years and hearing the Pastor’s testimony on how he has been saved sixteen times. It felt as if God wanted to tell me, to keep trying and to never give up no matter how hard it gets. I can’t remember how many times after that I’ve been saved but what I can assure you I feel more free and myself when I am walking with God. 

The enemy tries to bring you down until you can’t get up anymore it’s truly tiresome. I’m also not telling you that after you start your walk with God it gets easier, that’s the exact opposite because it actually gets harder. The enemy see’s you trying to break free from where he put you, and tries to win you back, by filling your thoughts and surroundings with comfortability. 

Us humans enjoy being comfortable and fear of it being disturbed. Walking with God is letting him having control of your life and disturbing your peace. God lets us go through trials and tribulations in order for us to let him take off the mask that we like to put for the world to see. We carry too many mask in our daily life will you ever decide to take yours off ? 

Galatians 5:1
“Christ Has Set Us Free
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

Thank you for taking your time to read

-Xo Cece

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I’ am a Jersey native , born in El Salvador a small little country in Central America. Arrived to the United States, when I was four years old, not knowing where life will take me. Fast Forward eighteen years later, I’m twenty-three living with my boyfriend, his mom, and three brothers. Life can become hectic and extraordinary full of adventures and struggles, emotional and physical pain. Writing has been the number one source where I can express myself fully. Hopefully my writing can inspire you and help, where ever you are, who ever you are I want you to know you’re not alone and you are important. xo Cece

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