I started to chase God’s presence I prayed more, read more and listened more. God started to heal my broken spirit, he poured himself in me where I only felt his love and presence. I started to volunteer and reach out to women who sought help, and were lost in their brokenness. When I spoke to women, it was easy to connect, I wasn’t shame about my past anymore, and instead used it as my strength.
See the enemy tries to blind you, he wants to make you believe that you should be ashamed about your past. He makes you cripple unable to move on from your pain. He wants you to be comfortable in pain, he causes you to hurt yourself and others. YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS, because he will use it to control you.
If you’re in the closet about being an addict for example to sex, drugs, porn, video games,money or self harm tell your love ones, because he will use it against you and you will never be set free! Never be ashamed about your past, because it makes YOU, YOU! The real you not the one that you pretend to be, the crazy three day hair, bad breath in the morning, with dirty dishes in your sink, who youtubes “COMING HOME VIDEOS -Dogs addition” just to cry. The one that listens to self help audios on the way to work, y esa latina que le gusta esuchar screamo music— no mami esa musica no es del devil! What is from the devil is those thoughts you think you’re having or those depressing feelings you can’t seem to overcome… you need to differentiate who’s voice you’re hearing, is it you or is it the enemy trying to impersonate you.
I grew up with out a father, an overworked mother just trying to make ends meet, with two older siblings who punished me for being different. I was the perfect candidate for the enemy, and I fell for his lies, see the enemy has a way with words to convince you , your worthless, dirty, unwanted all the ugly hateful words you tell yourself daily. Just like the snake he is, you need to watch closely who you have in your inner circle. I had to give up a couple friends, relationships and habits to liberate myself from the chains. I was bound to depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bozo, drugs and bad relationships.
To be liberated myself, I had to run to God, I tried it on my own to many times to be lead right back to square one. You have to deal with your issues, and hurt instead of sweeping it under the rug pretending it’s not there. One day it will creep on you and drag you back to your own personal hell! You can pretend one drink won’t hurt or that pill is only for that one time, but what you do know is that the next day you’re going to feel exactly how you felt the day before. I have done that to many times to know that it will fail, and it didn’t work until I tried something different. I ran to God and confessed it all to him, letting it all out with tears streaming down my face to fully know what it feels like to be free.
Although it doesn’t end there just because you confessed your weakness, and pain doesn’t mean you’re free, you have to choose to become new/different from the past you. You have to make peace with your past, and it leave it behind you, only speak about it if you believe it will help someone else. I still struggle with social anxiety, but it doesn’t stop me from leaving my house, I still struggle with anxiety/panic attacks but this time around I bring it to God, you might find other methods that work with you, it doesn’t matter as long as it works for YOU!
I hope this has helped anyone of you. Who ever you are, please know you are not alone you are important, your life matters.